When Does "Giving Yourself Grace" Become A Lack Of Discipline?

...asking for a friend 😬

Let’s be clear—

After giving birth to the twins, working out was the last thing on my radar.

I had just endured a very challenging pregnancy, carried two babies to nearly 38 weeks, and was facing severe abdominal separation—all while recovering from months of muscle loss due to hyperemesis and modified bed rest.

Safe to say, my focus was on the following things:

• Learning how to breastfeed two babies

• Helping my toddler adjust to being a big brother

• Trying to rest while my body healed and recovered

• …annnnd that’s literally it.

My “workouts” in early postpartum consisted of pelvic floor physical therapy and some gentle at-home core exercises that I’d do while laying in bed.

And I was 100% okay with that.

At the time, that was all the challenge I could handle, and it felt like enough.
It was enough.

My body wasn’t ready for more, so I didn’t push it.

And, for a while, this was my norm — because it had to be. It was all I could do. It was all I was allowed to do.

…But even after I was medically cleared to exercise around 6 weeks, and even after graduated from pelvic floor PT at 10 weeks, and even after I began to see improvement in my abdominal separation, I still didn’t ramp up the intensity or frequency of my workouts.

But again, this was fine!

I was technically still in the “4th trimester”, living in the newborn bubble, and it felt more intuitive to take rest days (“sleep when the baby sleeps” etc etc) than worry about exercise. While I did a few short walks and more purposeful pelvic floor work, I was still taking it very easy.

Again, I was listening to my body and bandwidth— and it felt like the right call.

But then, after a while longer, I noticed something….

I was still only doing my abdominal exercises, I was still choosing to sit at my desk and work instead of walking on the treadmill, I was still taking it SUPER easy…

not because I couldn’t,
but because I didn’t feel like it.

That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t “giving myself grace” anymore.
I was giving myself excuses.

And of course, everyone’s postpartum journey looks different. For me, returning to exercise isn’t about external pressure or “bouncing back”— it’s genuinely something I crave. It feels therapeutic, it grounds me, and it absolutely boosts my mental health.

Simply put, movement makes me feel like me.

And to be clear—

• Did I plan to immediately dive into ultra-marathons, HIIT classes, or heavy lifting? Absolutelyyyy not.

• But I was capable of walking, easing into a slow jog, and gently rebuilding my strength—one step at a time.

And while I just stated that exercise is something I genuinely love to do.

…that doesn’t mean I always want to do it. 🤣

Like most things that are good for us, building a habit takes intention and effort— it doesn’t just magically happen.

But, as I shared in more detail in this recent post, I have found myself majorly struggling to prioritize exercise in this new season of life as a mom of three. Between the juggle of full-blown motherhood and working, it suddenly become so dang challenging to find the time and energy for a “real” workout.

I genuinely desired to start exercising again, but getting out of the house for my favorite activities—like running outside or a hot yoga class—started to feel nearly impossible. And before I knew it, a pesky all-or-nothing mindset took over.

Because the fact that I couldn’t do my ideal workout?
Well… it started to keep me from doing anything at all.

Because if I “only” have time for a short walk on the treadmill while I answer emails, is it even worth it? If I “only” have time for my PT exercises, will it even made a difference? What’s the point?

So, more often than not, each day would pass by, and I didn’t work out— again.

One particular day, I spent my twins’ entire 2-hour nap time seated and doing some work… while my treadmill desk sat right next to me, unused.

Suddenly I realized, this was no longer giving myself grace.
This was avoidance.

Because, when I was really honest with myself—

I wasn’t just “easing back in.”
I was procrastinating.

Simple as that.

Maybe because I was intimidated to start again. Maybe because I was discouraged by how much my fitness had dwindled. Maybe because I was still adjusting to all the changes of my postpartum body.

And, sure, all of those feelings are valid, but—in that moment— I realized that I had crossed the invisible line.

I was no longer giving myself grace… I was letting myself off the hook.

And, let’s be clear, I have absolutely zeroooo regrets about taking it easy in those early months! My body and mind wanted (and needed) that restful period, and the grace I gave myself was justified at the time.

but slowly,
subtly,
sneakily,

There was an internal shift of “taking it easy on myself” that turned into a lack of will power.

Sure, there are plenty of valid reasons I could list about why working out feels 'impossible' right now—

But when I cut through the excuses… there was time.
Sure, it was limited, but it was there.

…if I prioritized it.

In that moment, it hit me like a ton of bricks— if I had an open hour to work on my laptop, why not do it while walking on the treadmill? If I happened to wake up before the kids—why not squeeze in a 30-minute strength class in the basement?

The simple answer? I was lacking a bit of discipline.

And I don’t mean this in a harsh way— just a factual one.

I had waited 3+ months,
I was medically cleared to exercise,
My postpartum recovery had been relatively smooth,
and my abdominal separation was almost healed.

I had to face the facts—

the only thing holding me back was…me.

And, please don’t get me wrong— there are seasons in life where grace isn’t just nice—it’s essential! Mental health struggles. Pregnancy. Illness. Grad school. Caregiving for a family member. Life.

Some seasons demand rest. And when you’re in one of those, it’s okay to take it, lean in, and fully embrace it.

Because resting really can be one the most productive thing we can do— when healing, grief, burnout, or major life changes require us to be gentle with ourselves.

But then… there eventually comes a time when grace turns into something else. A pause that lingers a little too long. A hesitation that feels less like rest and more like resistance. A procrastination that feels less justified and more like avoidance.

Sometimes— without even noticing— valid reasons can start morphing into excuses.

• Immediate postpartum with two newborns, a fragile body, learning to tandem feed, and navigating the transition from 1-to-3 kids? A reason.

• Months later, fully cleared to work out, getting more into a family rhythm and feeling more like myself? An excuse.

And maybe for you, it’s not working out. Maybe it’s looking for a new job. Starting to eat healthy. Scheduling that appointment you’ve been putting off. Finally finishing that house project that’s been sitting at 80% done for months.

Whatever “it” is that you’ve been putting off due to overthinking, procrastinating, or letting “grace” overstay its welcome... this could be your wakeup call.

So, how can you tell if you have unknowingly crossed that fine line between justified rest and laziness?

It will look different for each of us based on our timing, our situation, or our current state, but this simple gut check is a good gauge ⬇️

• ✨ When you're giving yourself grace in a way that's truly needed, saying no to "that thing" will feel good. It will feel aligned. It will feel justified. It will feel clear, peaceful, and even obvious.
  

• ✨ But when you’re saying no out of comfort, complacency, or avoidance, it feels different—a little icky, a little guilt-ridden—because deep down, you know you're capable of more than you're giving yourself credit for.

I knew it in my gut when that shift happened for me, and if I venture a guess I’d bet you know it in yours too.

So, there I was— staring at my unused walking desk that I could’ve been using for the last hour while I typed, and swearing to myself that I’d return to working out “soon”.

Maybe tomorrow? Okay, probably, next Monday. Or when life ‘slows down’ (lol, and WHEN exactly would that be, Kate????). Maybe when I had more energy? When I felt “ready”?

But abruptly— on a random Wednesday in January— I decided to cut the crap.

Because, in my gut, I knew I wasn’t “waiting for the right time”.
I was just avoiding it.

And, maybe it’s the capitalism baked into my American psyche (kidding but unfortunately not kidding 🫠🙃), I respond alarmingly well to a swift kick in the butt and a no bull-shit pep talk.

So, on this ordinary day, after yet another day of not doing the thing that I said I wanted to, I quite literally looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud:

Enough is enough.
It’s time to start working out again.

This is my responsibility.
No one else’s.

Something clicked in that moment. Because honestly?
Sometimes, the promises we make to *ourselves* are the most sacred of all.

And, before I could talk myself out of it, I immediately laced up my shoes for that first “real” workout back.

It wasn’t January 1st. It wasn’t a Monday. It wasn’t a “fresh start”. It was just the moment I got tired of my own excuses.

It felt potent.
Like a mini challenge.

And I made the decision to show up for myself.

So, my friend, I have to ask—what is “it” for you? You know, that thing you’ve been meaning to do but keep finding reasons to delay?

Maybe it’s…

• Waking up early

• Reducing your screen-time

• Looking for a new apartment

• Reducing your alcohol consumption

• Starting a side hustle

• Going to church or your place of worship

• Drinking less caffeine

• Making time for your creative projects

• Starting to volunteer

• Decluttering your house

• Working on a skill, hobby, or activity

• Getting your finances in order

But whatever that “thing” is that you’ve been giving yourself grace over, it might be time to address it head on… and I’d start with *this* ⬇️

If you’re someone who needs a little tough love and reality check, consider this one simple question—

Don’t think too hard or overcomplicate it. Simply close your eyes, take a breath, and ask yourself ⬇️

Am I giving myself grace, or am I giving myself excuses?

Just sit with it for a second, and pay attention to the immediate gut check. Because, your body knows. Your intuition knows.

And if what you’re feeling is that you are in a season that truly needs grace—take it. Own it! Let it be what it is. Periods of rest are powerful.

But if you're feeling that subtle shift, an inner knowing— that your “reasons” are starting to sound more like excuses— this is your moment.

Where to go from here?

So whether it’s working out for the first time after a hiatus, finally deleting TikTok, starting that side hustle you’ve always dreamed of, or dusting off your art supplies, stop with the overthinking, the procrastination, and the grace that’s overstayed its welcome.

It’s time for action—

And, no, you don’t have to climb the whole mountain today. No, you don’t have to overhaul your entire life in one grand gesture.

You just have to do the next right thing. One small step. One choice that shifts you forward. Maybe it’s a 10-minute walk. Maybe it’s writing the email, making the call, or setting the alarm.

Or maybe it’s just deciding—right here, right now— that you’re finally done waiting. The grace has been given, and it is time to move forward.

Now, excuse me, while I go do my workout.

XX,

PS: Need an extra push? Below, I’ve recorded a 5-minute meditation to help you break out of autopilot and *finally* take action. Plus, an instant download of a beautiful, 30-day habit tracker to kickstart your momentum. These are available instantly, and exclusively for my paid community—grab them below! ⬇️