Reflections from a week that *didn't* go to plan...

😅😅😅

Whew, where to begin?

I’m not sure what to say other than this last week was… special. 

As you know, I have been emerging from a difficult journey with hyperemesis gravidarum this pregnancy, and in the worst of times when I was relentlessly nauseated and vomiting, I would ruminate:

“I will never take eating for granted ever again…”
“I will never take drinking water for granted again…”
”I will never take having an appetite for granted again..”

As thankful as I am to be pregnant with these babies, my physical symptoms were so all consuming, that I couldn’t live in the present. I was either focused on the past — remembering how I used to be able to eat, drink, and move with ease before this diagnosis — OR daydreaming about a future “someday” where my babies were here, my symptoms were gone, and I’d finally be feeling like myself again. 

And, yet… the moment I started getting better, I very quickly got used to these “miracles” of eating and drinking that I had been desperately looking forward to. I started keeping fluids down without much thought, consuming food gradually became easier, and last week, and I finally hit my pre-pregnancy weight again (I had lost 15+ pounds, and have been working so hard to gain it back). 

My symptoms had started to feel more manageable, and I quickly got used to things feeling at least a bit more “normal” again.

Slowly but surely, progress was being made. I felt like things were finally looking up. 

And thennnnnn, our entire family got hit by a sickness.

And it wasn’t just some mild sniffles and a light cough— it was more like pounding head colds, body aches, fevers, deep, barky coughs, clogged sinuses, and beyond. For over a week.

We were all miserable.

Each day the cold lasted, I grew more annoyed by the pounding headache, the achy muscles, and the constant congestion. And just like with my hyperemesis, I started to ruminate on those “other” times of my health:

“I will never take for granted what it feels like to breathe through my nose easily”
”When this pressure in my head finally resolves, I’ll be able to…”
“I can’t wait until we’re all healthy and back on our family walks to the park”

Being sick is never fun. Being sick while your toddler is sick is extra not fun. And being sick with your toddler *while pregnant with twins* is reallllllyyyy not fun.

But then something happened that shook me out of that past/future rumination and dropped me right into the present. 

This past weekend, I was in a car accident where we got T-boned, and the location of the collision was right on my door.

Instantly, worries filled my mind — Was everyone in the car okay?! Was I okay?! Were MY TWINS okay?! 

That last thought put me into a tailspin, and I instantly start sobbing.

While the collision wasn’t incredibly high-speed and everyone seemed okay immediately (thank God), there was significant damage to the vehicle. Again, right where I had been sitting.

While non-pregnant Kate would’ve been shaken up regardless, I think I would’ve walked away from the scene without much worry— but pregnancy brain is a whole different beast.

Due to the jolt of the crash, I was consumed with worry about the safety of my babies, that the impact could trigger preterm labor, or that the collision may have caused internal complications to the placenta, uterus, potential bleeding, etc.

I was a wreck.

After calling the OB triage line, I was told to go to the emergency department.

Adam and I spent the day in the ER, and were so grateful to hear one beautiful, beating heartbeat…and then another. The ultrasound showed no signs of bleeding or placental damage or other concerns... 

Once again, I was sobbing. But this time out of pure relief.

And the interesting thing is— in that moment, I wasn’t worried about what was “wrong” with my health. I wasn’t noticing any symptom. I wasn’t ruminating on “what ifs”. I wasn’t even mad about the accident. I was just so wholeheartedly THANKFUL for the big-picture good news of health. I was safe. Everyone in the car was safe. My BABIES were safe. And, in that moment, that was beyond enough.

Nothing else mattered.

Did I still have a head cold? Yes.
Did I still feel nauseous? Yes.
Did I care? Not at all.

Sometimes, it just takes a bit of perspective.

There will always be a “someday” with our health— don’t let it take you out of today

But it’s hard right? We don’t often have these “big” life events that smack us with reality or what a gift it is to be alive and well.

Instead, with our bodies and health, it’s so easy to compare, to ruminate, to overthink…

• “When I was younger, I felt…”

• “Before I had kids, I looked…”

• “When I wasn’t injured, I could…”

• “Before I was pregnant, I would…”

• “Prior to this sickness, I felt…”

We tend fixate on these highly specific symptoms or signs or things, and it’s so valid! 

Things with our health will frustrate us.
New symptoms will emerge.
Colds, injuries, & diagnoses will happen.

And, ultimately, bodies will change.
…But they are also so beautifully constant.

It’s human nature to place all of of our focus on the one or two things “wrong” with our health that we subsequently overlook the countless big-picture aspects of wellbeing that ARE going well.

At every moment — cells, tissues, and organs are working together. Pumping, beating, synapses firing, muscle fibers tripping, intestines humming… the countless physiological processes happening in your body right now to keep you alive are miraculous.

But even so…

It’s easy to forget these everyday “miracles” amidst the hustle of everyday life. And it’s especially easy to forget if your health has been challenging you lately…

Perhaps you are recovering from injury or facing chronic pain. Perhaps you are in the thick of a difficult pregnancy or navigating the bodily changes of postpartum or struggling with fertility. Maybe you’ve faced a difficult diagnosis or a nagging sickness or are facing uncertainty with your health. Perhaps there is singular symptom like bloating or brain fog or acne that’s been frustrating you. Or maybe the gradual signs of aging are just starting to make themselves known….

And I’m not going to sugarcoat it — it sucks when things aren’t functioning how you’d like or how they should be.

It’s a reality for many, and I’m not going to tell you that you have to embrace toxic positivity and “be grateful!!!!!” for your health challenges.

But, moreso, I am recommending that you zoom out.
That you look at the BIG picture of health every so often.

It just made help you prioritize and reframe the smaller frustrations that you have with your body.

For example, getting in a car accident while pregnant with twins veryyyyy quickly put my sinus congestion into perspective...

It reminded me that, even in the midst of health challenges, we can acknowledge the things that ARE going well. The other, often overlooked aspects of our body that we may unintentionally take for granted—

• Eyesight— what a gift it is to see this world & its colors & textures!

• A heart that is pumping & thumping & functioning — every minute, of every day. Without you even having to think about it. 

• Hands, arms, and fingers that help you grasp & carry & complete tasks day in and day out…

• The ability to breathe and oxygenate with ease.

• The gift of scent & smelling the blooming trees, fresh rainfall, or your mom’s perfume.

• Feet and legs that carry you throughout every. step. of. your. life.

• The ability to eat & taste & digest, and enjoy the gift of food.

• The ability to move your body and exercise and complete activities of daily living.

• A brain that creates & thinks & feels & regulates countless bodily processes...

I mean, wow. We treat so many aspects of health as ordinary, but it can be so grounding to remember the things that are going well with our bodies…

And, to be clear, practicing gratitude for some aspects of your health doesn’t diminish the challenges you’ve faced. Your frustrations are valid.

Am I “grateful” to have had hyperemesis or a terrible headcold that I can’t seem to shake or to have had a scare with my pregnancy this weekend? No, I’m not.

But I can step back and acknowledge that my body has been showing up and fighting for me and protecting me and doing its best in ALL of these challenging circumstances…

So, my point? Not everything needs to be “perfect” in order to find at least some gratitude for our bodies today—

The reality is that most of us ARE facing challenges with our health right now. These challenges exist, and deserve to be acknowledged, respected, and addressed.

…but I am hopeful that there are at least some aspects of your health journey and physiology that you can give a dose of gratitude towards today.

To be honest, you may have to force it a little.

Because, sure, it’s easy to feel grateful for your body when everything is fine and dandy. But I’ve found that practicing gratitude in the moments when my body isn’t functioning at 100% to be most impactful of all…

Usually, my wellbeing feels quite positive & status quo— yet I have felt really challenged with my health lately. It’s been hard.

But it has also opened my eyes to “respecting my body” in a new way.

Because despite months of hyperemesis & gnarly head colds & even an unexpected accident, my body did carry me — is carrying me — through it all.

This body of mine and how it functions will never be perfect. But here she is. Showing up for me— in every moment of every day.

And I am grateful.

xx,

PRODUCT OF THE WEEK: I’m very picky about what I give the Kate Stamp of Approval to, and these shoes absolutely make the mark! Four years ago, I bought these Nisolo mules, and they’ve. been. incredible. After multiple springs and summers of constant wear, they are reaching the end of their lives—and I’m tempted to immediately repurchase (especially while they’re on sale right now…👀). I’m torn between getting the mules again or switching it up with these (same brand, just different style!). Regardless of which I choose— this brand has quality leather, sustainable practices, and a casual-yet-elevated look— highly recommend! Not sponsored, but used a commissionable link ◡̈

SONG OF THE WEEK: More of a playlist of the week! My spotify “daylist” created this specific mix a few weeks ago, and I can’t stop listening to it. The perfect, upbeat, vibey curation of songs!

JOURNAL PROMPT OF THE WEEK: “What is something that is challenging with your health lately? Write about it and feel it. Then, think of something else that you are grateful for with your health. And, again, really allow yourself to feel it.”