📝 My Pregnancy Journal: A Peek At My Unfiltered Thoughts...

The Surprising Details You Haven’t Heard

Something about me—
I. am. nostalgic.

Since a young age, I’ve strived to “capture” different stages of life and reflect on past seasons—reading old journals, flipping through photos, daydreaming about past experiences. It’s cheesy, but it truly allows me to connect with the various versions of myself and how I was feeling at specific points in time.

And, lately, I’ve been channeling that nostalgia by writing down my random thoughts throughout this pregnancy in a sort of “journal.”

(AKA…. jotting sporadic insights into a random notes app on my phone. #Fancy)

Honestly? Reading back on the entries for this twin current pregnancy has me feeling somewhat nostalgic for an experience I am actively living.

Because while this has been ONE pregnancy, it has also included manyyyy different stages— full of twists and turns, major highs and lows, joy and anxiety, and so much in-between:

• The two-week wait & the confusing emotions that often come with that

• The EARLIEST of symptoms, and the omg moment of finding out we're pregnant! (and why I was covered in someone else’s vomit 45 minutes after finding out.)

• Balancing the joy & gratitude of pregnancy with the very low lows of first trimester

• Discovering it's twins (!!!) and a real-time documentation of the small signs, symptoms, and dreams that led me to believe there were 2…

• Tackling the logistics: nesting, prepping, and all the considerations that have gone into expanding our family

• Quick, lighthearted notes of times I was a hormonal MESS at random moments (if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry 🤣 …literally.)

• Processing that my birth will likely have to look VERY different from my first unmedicated, midwife birth which I had loved— finding the peace in a birth plan that will likely have to shift.

• Navigating the major body changes of this double pregnancy.

• Alllll the emotions— joy & gratitude for these babies, frustration & anxiety around health challenges, excitement & nerves about the changes to come.

• Managing the health anxiety, countless appointments, IV infusions, unexpected concerns, hospital stays, and more that have come with this higher-risk pregnancy.

• All the way through the second trimester, third trimester, and into the great unknown—

….Basically, if I had a thought, I jotted it down.

And while I have been sharing about my experience in a more thorough, longer-form, and formal manner (you can read past motherhood posts here!), this is is more of a peek in my brain during this pregnancy— super honest, off-the-cuff, quick thoughts that have come to mind during this journey.

Some entries are lighthearted, some are quippy, some are emotional… it’s just a mix of all my different thoughts about pregnancy, motherhood, having twins, logistics, emotions, and more.

You will notice some redundancies, typos, etc., because I didn’t edit these at all— they are my real, true, off-the-cuff pregnancy thoughts (including the MANY premonitions I had about having twins! It was honestly wild to read back and see just how often I mentioned it before it was confirmed).

While I’m not sharing every single entry, I am sharing about 90% of them in the spirit of giving you an honest glimpse & some behind-the-scenes photos into this pregnancy so far. Let’s jump in—

Even though the size of my bump may say otherwise (😅), I have nearly 2 months until my actual due date. That said, twins often arrive early so I’ve been trying to surround myself with positive birthing & labor energy ahead of time ✨🕊 (I’m definitely more nervous about this upcoming labor than my first! So many unknowns and different possibilities, but my main prayer will always be for healthy momma & 2 healthy babies.)

• “Peeing on ovulation strips every day & yesterday was my LH spike. today, I woke up to a pinchy cramp near left ovary. Egg release time?!?!?! 🤩”

• “VERY crampy uterus. Definitely more than with my normal cycle.”

• “gurgling / bubbly feeling in my womb— rising progesterone ?!”

• “had a dream that the orb of light I’ve been seeing in my dream “split” into two. It felt WEIRDLY vivid. like, it was a sign or something hahah. Am I having TWINS?! 🥰🤪😱”

• “I didn’t have the basal body temp spike I was hoping for… 😔 but LOTS of gurgling in womb. Also not wanting coffee that much and kind of grossed out by foods??? I know it’s too early for these symptoms but that’s genuinely how im feeling. Weird.”

• “temp spike this AM 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩”

• “temp spike again!!!!! Omg I’ve been waiting for this, it’s a different chart than my normal cycle so I feel like I could be?!?!”

• “another night dreaming of the 2 orbs of light… 👀 I told Adam first thing when I woke up that I think we may be having twins hahahaha. Couldn’t be me jumping to conclusions & going 0 to 100!!!!! 💁🏻‍♀️”

• “Potential early signs of pregnancy?

  • very tender boobs

  • increase in BO (i…. reek.)

  • wine doesn’t sound very good (who is she?!???!)

  • wanting taco John’s potato oles (with extra queso, hahaha)

  • …I wouldn’t have symptoms this early would I?!”

• “tonsssssss of chills the last few days. I am FREEZING. also foods still sound kind of weird?”

• “Gosh, the two week wait is soooooo all-consuming & mind-boggling as you are constantly *thinking* about if you’re pregnancy, but you don’t even actually know yet if you are or aren’t.”

• “I know this sounds insane, but I already feel somewhat nauseous and food aversions????? Like is my body THAT sensitive to HCG??? how could this be happening before I even (if even) I get a positive? I can’t even finish one cup of coffee, I almost threw up when I saw Miles scrambled eggs today, & I am… still craving taco john’s 😆 We shall seeeeeeee. If not, I think I need to schedule a doctors appt 🤣”

• “I am such a nutcase and start testing for pregnancy at like 5 days post-ovulation. like, kate, it’s not going to be positive. but yet, I can’t resist. WHY AM I LIKE THIS.”

• “Today I learned that midwife translates to “with woman”. Which I find sooo beautiful. gosh, I love pregnancy and birth and all the things.” 

• “like, I SERIOUSLY feel so weirdly nauseous. Already. That defies all logic. It’s not twins…. Is it?!”

• “Just had an overnight with to celebrate my friend’s belated 30th and felt the need to play it soooo safe— no wine, I skipped sauna, etc. because I just FEEL like I could be pregnant??? I HOPE I am pregnant??? but obviously don’t know yet. Gosh, the in-between is tricky.”

• “tested this AM & really thought it’d be positive. Nope. too early :( but I really feel like I am!!!!”

• “Okay, after this morning, I was being so stubborn and kept testing & testing on 6 different tests (I am…. insane?) and they were all negative but I. JUST. KNEW. Today was the day. I stubbornly drove into town to Walgreens for a the fanciest of fancy tests, and…. it’s positive! Adam and I found out in the bathroom together, and it was such a sweet moment. Miles was sleeping in the next room so we were like whispering and quietly yelling, hahaha. The faintest baby line everrrrr but it’s THERE!!!! 6 days before my missed period (!), but we are pregnant 🥹🥹🥹 gosh, i’m so excited. this feels really right.”

  

  the best moment. it’s crazy how your whole life can feel changed in an INSTANT.

• “LOLOLOL. We found out I was pregnant during miles’ naptime. Went to wake him up & thought it would be such a beautiful moment of telling him he’ll be a big brother, buuuut now I’m covered in vomit. my poor baby had had his first true stomach bug and is throwing up :( :( :( Immediately into the bath for snuggles & warm water with mama. t’was NOT the hallmark moment I envisioned, but alas, this is parenthood.”

• “it’s crazy how you go from being so excited to instantly being anxious about the baby being safe and healthy. early pregnancy is such a ride. a rotating cycle of gratitude and anxiety.”

• “hahahah, OF COURSE my sister and best friend have somehow already texted me saying “i have a feeling you’re pregnant” and i just found I was pregnant like 2 seconds ago, hahahahha. amazing 🥰 i love how in tune they are. Baby is already being surrounded by love!”

• “just realized it’s day 22 of my cycle 🥹 my lucky angel number on the day we found out. Hi, grandma pat💛”

• “I am in awe. I can’t believe it. But yet I totally can. It just feels so right. our family is growing! My gut instinct is that it’s totally a girl. Like I feel quite clear it’s is a girl in there. but….. I should say at least one girl, hahah. because I also feel like it could also be twins??? I know I keep saying that, but I’m honestly not kidding??? That feels crazy to type. I’ve just had this nagging feeling and the VIVID orb of light dreams and just this feeling that there’s more than one in there. Ahhhh!!! I don’t exactly know how we’d process that, but if that’s our story— that’s our story & we will handle it & roll with it & enjoy it 💛 but regardless, WOWOWOW. Even one baby— such a gift. I am in awe. I feel in shock. I’m pregnant again! Thank you, God!!!!!!”

• “Update— Adam now has the same stomach bug as Miles. Both boys are puking like crazy. And now I’m spiraling because I don’t want to get sick and potentially cause harm to the baby— I’m SO early and I know an illness or fever could impact things. ahhhhh. And, tbh, it has been weirdly a bit triggering for me to see the puke buckets— it’s reminding me of how 1st tri felt for me last time. like months & months of endless stomach flu. ugh. I’m so curious how I will feel this time around. I am so confused if all the nausea and aversions I’ve been experiencing are pregnancy related or this stomach bug?? My symptoms have been different from Ads & Moe so I think it’s more pregnancy but it also seems so ridiculously early to be experiencing that…? idk. We’ll see. ”

• “Gosh, I get so anxious in early pregnancy. Like, I’m so giddy but also aware that so many things can happen… whew. deep breath. one day at a time. but gosh this early first trimester can be so all-consuming mentally.”

• “Pregnancy apps are wild because you’re working out and blasting Cardi B and meanwhile it’s like ‘hey your baby’s neural tube is forming right now’.”

• “I’m psycho but prediction SHE will be coming this fall. I literally KNOW it’s there’s a girl in there. Well, at least one girl. Hahahahha.”

• “okay….so…. Did an HCG blood test, and they were looking for my lab value to at least double in 48 hours, and it…… MULTIPLIED BY 5?!?!?!? okay, now I am REALLY wondering about twins?!?!?!?! Regardless, so so so happy to see my hcg rising and all signs point to a positive pregnancy. Thank you, god!”

• “I have been a LOT more emotional, weepy, on edge than I remember being in my pregnancy with Miles. Like…. I just cried during a Subaru commercial???? Send help.”

• It’s still early, but here are the differences I’ve noticed between this and my first pregnancy—